I've been a negligent mother.

I know, I suck lately. But in my defense, I've been very anti-everything the past few days so I didn't want to publicly display my negativity.

So, to update:

• The bachelorette party was a smashing success. It was really fun AND cheap! Who said Hartford is lame! But I was pretty shocked that the bar closed at 2 AND there were no cabs waiting outside the bar.
• I have started to hate our neighborhood/apartment/everything. A lot.
• This happened about 2 inches from our house, next to our Stop and Shop. Hot. As far as I know, they still haven't caught the people who did it.
• My parents and brother are in Italy for 10 days. I wasn't invited.
• Something terribly awful happened to one my dear friends. It's very sad and I hate feeling absolutely useless.
• I am officially broke. Like literally, no money at all. I am obviously too poor for this NYC lifestyle.
• After 18 years of complaining about how much I hate Connecticut and declaring my love for city life, I have decided that after 3 months here, I want to move to the suburbs. In Connecticut. And have a backyard and a driveway and patio furniture. I am such a hypocrite.
  
• I have to work on Monday and I am beyond angry about it. But I can wear jeans to the office. And I am getting out at 3. And I'm getting out at 4:30 today. But I'm still mad.
• James won't go to Italy with me next May. We could stay for 14 days, at 2 of the nicest hotels in all of Europe, for about $2000. And he won't go. He sucks. A LOT. If all of the miles and points weren't in his name, I would go without him.
• My friend Karen's wedding cruise leaves on Sunday. I am so regretting not going.
  
• A little teeny, tiny part of me misses Maryland.

So while in CT last weekend at the party, I was asked the following questions about a bajillion times:

• When are you getting engaged?
• Why aren't you engaged yet!
• When's the big day?
• Wait, how long have you guys been together?
• What's wrong with James, why hasn't he proposed yet?

People, DO NOT ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, I think I would be less offended if someone asked me how much I weighed. Obviously the answers to these questions are not happy, cute answers, SO WHY ASK THEM. I swear, after saying "oh we don't have the money" blah blah blah 4035423 times, I almost said "WE AREN'T ENGAGED BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY ME!" I would have loved to see someone's reaction to that. I know no one asks these questions in a vicious manner, but GOD. I hate it. HATE IT.

And this is why I was staying away from the blog.

Happy freakin' 4th of July people. I need a beer.

How to Tailgate Like a Champ

After 7 years and 30 shows, I am now a professional. So to share my knowledge with those less informed, I give you the following:

What to Bring (in no particular order):

• Tickets
• Water (everyone needs to stay hydrated!)
• Beer (leave the liquor at home kids, you won’t last all day, I promise)
• Case of Soda (trust me, there is a reason)
• Ice
• Coolers
• Food (lots of it!)
• Bug Spray
• Sunscreen
• Baby wipes
• Toilet paper
• Paper towels
• Garbage bags (bring 2, one for garbage, one for empties)
• Camera
• Chairs
• Sunglasses
• Rain gear (just in case)
• Sweatshirt
• Radio (and batteries, if needed)
• Cups (so very important)
• Eye drops
• Cards
• Table

Tips and Tricks:

• Problem: Alcohol is not permitted in the parking lots. You need to transport more beer than your cooler will permit to your tailgating spot (assuming its not right next to your car).
  Solution: Take the case of soda you bought and empty it. Place leftover beer in the soda case, and carry it to your spot carefree.
  Important notes: Obviously you must buy beer in cans for this to work. Coors cans are larger than soda and other beer cans. They will not fit. Plan accordingly
  
  
• Problem: No bathrooms, gross bathrooms, Port-a-potties (this one is for the ladies, obviously boys can pee anywhere)
  Solution #1: Pop a squat in the woods. Don’t want that nasty “splatter” on your legs? Take a cup and cut a hole in the bottom. Then use this as a “funnel”. It will reduce the splatter. Or don’t cut a hole and just use the cup, then dump out.
  Solution #2: If there are no woods, bring along a beach-sized umbrella. Find a wall. Use the umbrella to block yourself. Also helps to bring along 2 friends to block the sides (you can bring beach towels to really cover yourself up.)
  Important notes: Apparently public urination can get you in trouble in some places. Keep this in mind. Wearing a skirt/dress makes things soooooo much easier. Always use the baby wipes to freshen up your hands!
  
  
• Problem: You can bring a water bottle into the show, but they take the top off at the gate. Or you buy a bottle of water inside the show, and they take the top off.
  Solution: Sneak an extra cap in your purse and voila!
  
  
• Problem: It’s raining and your tickets got soaked in your cute little purse
  Solution: Always keep your tickets in a plastic sandwich bag!!!
  
  
• Problem: You need to sneak a camera in (or anything else) down your pants
  Solution: Two pairs of underwear keep things sanitary (put the camera in between the two pairs).
  
  
• Problem: You sat outside in the hot sun all day, had a few drinks, and then ended up puking in the parking lot while your favorite song is being played.
  Solution: DRINK MORE WATER YOU FOOL, YOU WERE SEVERLY DEHYDRATED.

(More to come!!)

Let's go Whalers!

Since it is officially summer, my arsenal of skirts has been out in full effect. As I was walking up 5th yesterday, enjoying my lunch break, a hot gust of wind caught me off guard. Yes, I almost had a Marilyn Monroe moment. I was about a milli-second away from giving a large group of tourists quite an eye full. Something needs to be done about this. I'm not sure what, but it's quite the problem. I love my flowy skirts (since they hide the fatness so well!) but I don't enjoy holding on to them every time the wind blows (and apparently, NYC is very windy). AND today I tripped so bad that I almost ended up face first on the sidewalk. I really should just stay inside at all times.

I have officially become too old to go to concerts on back-to-back days. It is Tuesday and I am still recovering. I hurt my back, I have a cough, I'm exhausted. A few years back, we used to do FOUR shows in FIVE days. Now I'm just hoping I'll be recovered by Saturday for THE BACHELORETTE PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA. I am so excited. I'm always so envious of bachelorette parties when I see them out. But now, I finally get to be part of it! Woohoo!

Since this weekend was my 7th year of tailgating, I have been asked to write a book on the subject. I don't think I'm book ready yet, but a very long and detailed blog will be coming in the next few days (or hours, depending on my motivation). I have come up with some fabulous ideas in my 30 concerts, so I feel the need to share with the interweb. I may even do a concert review of this weekends' shows.

Finally, the Whalers won the Stanley Cup last night. Devin and I spent the morning searching for t-shirts to show our Whaler pride. If anyone knows of good custom t-shirt making websites, let me know!

Heading back up to the mothership

So this evening after work, I will be boarding a train for the lovely ALB. (Ok, lovely is def not the word of choice but I'm trying to be positive today) Tomorrow and Saturday will be my 29th and 30th Dave Matthews Band concerts. It all started in August of 1999, the first show at the Meadows. Since then, I have seem them 9 times at the Meadows in Hartford, 13 times at SPAC in Saratoga, and 3 times at MSG. And we cannot forget the greatest show of all time, CENTRAL PARK (this is clearly the best because I make my DVD debut, sitting on Marc's shoulders waving like a madwoman). Anyway, every year I have the same doubts: am I too old for this? Are they going to suck this year? Is there going to be so much drama before the show that I will not be able to enjoy myself? I really hope this weekend goes off smoothly. The weather looks like it will be amazing, unlike last year's monsoon. I have my cute outfits ready to go, and my liver ready for some heavy binge drinking. I just want to sit in the park, in the shade by the river, eating, drinking, and enjoying the outside-ness. I want no drama, no yelling, no fighting. Will I get my wish? I sure hope so!

Next weekend I will be attending my first bachelorette party. I am beyond excited for this. My friend Karen who I have known since third grade is getting married. It still baffles me that my friends are getting married. Seriously, I still feel like a dumb 19 year old. How is it that my friends are old enough to be MARRIED?!? OLD PEOPLE GET MARRIED. I mean, Karen was on my softball team way back in Norton School. And in a few weeks she will be a Mrs.

WHEN DID WE GET SO OLD?!?!

This makes me mad.

Why do the prices of iced caramel lattes at Dunkin Donuts vary so much? I mean, I understand that they will be more on this lovely island of Manhattan than in my Latino ghetto neighborhood. But should they really differ between stores 5 BLOCKS AWAY! I am poor, people, I cannot afford to pay 50 cents more because I am too lazy to walk the extra block. This really drives me crazy. It also makes me mad that they have lowered the price of HOT lattes now that it is summer (but only at certain stores).

[Yes, I know I should spend my time worrying and bitching about more important things. But lattes are very important to me.]

In other news, I had Whitecastle for the first time ever this weekend. It was fascinating. I cannot believe I went 25+ years without it. There is just something about tiny little burgers that makes me want to eat billions of them.

And in other news, along with eating Whitecastle this weekend, I definitely ate Coldstone TWICE in three days.

And finally, I will be going to the gym tonight. For all eternity.

How I Didn't Spend $1500 on Five Bottles of Vodka

Well, I've joined the land of bloggers again. After my brief hiatus, I should provide you all with a fabulous post. But I'm tired, cranky, starving, and not feeling up to a lot of writing. However, I will tell a short story detailing my Saturday night.

(Names have been withheld to protect the identities of people and places involved)

It was a friend of a friend's birthday. We met up outside birthday boy's choice of bar. There seemed to be some drama about getting into said bar (there were about 15-18 in our group). Finally, we were allowed into the fancy smancy bar/lounge/whatever. So we walk downstairs into the basement (yes, fancy smancy place was in a basement) and follow the leader into a private room/cave. How lovely, I thought, we get our own little room. Then the waiter brings over some mixers and I'm like ah, they are going to order bottles. Now, I am not the college girl of years past and really only have a few drinks when I go out (because I am a lightweight and poor), so the idea of ordering bottles doesn't really appeal to me. After some more drama, it turns out that for us to sit in this little cave, it will cost us $1500. And for that $1500, we will get five bottles. Five. Five bottles. Of vodka. Not gold, not water from the fountain of your. Five bottles of vodka. And not even fancy vodka. So when I found out this little tidbit of info, I laughed. I laughed a lot. I told James. Smoke came out of his ears. We then decided we would not be enjoying the cave with the others and would be buying our own drinks from the bar like normal poor people. Needless to say, that put a bit of a damper on the rest of the evening. (Along with James getting wasted and then puking all over our bathroom when we finally got home that night).

So the moral of the story is, whenever you have to BEG to get into a bar (yes, they had to BEG to get in and pay $1500 for shitty vodka) it can never have a good outcome. You are much better off drinking Nick Lachey's on your couch in your un-air-conditioned apartment in the Latino ghetto.

Sad Face

So after completely jinxing myself with yesterday's post title, I'm going on a blog-vacation. I will be in CT until Tuesday for some family stuff. But I will leave you, faithful readers, with the following:

• I saw a partial skull (animal, thank god) on my street today, with teeth and everything
  
• I've seen 2 people in a week clipping their toenails OUTSIDE ON THE SIDEWALK
• People ask me for directions on a daily basis, do I really look like a walking map?
• Gum on your pants is really not the end of the world, as I have learned in the past 24 hours
  

Peace out homies.

Could this day get any worse?

So I left work in a bad mood, hoping my lovely lunch at chipotle would cheer me up. As I am walking, maybe a block or two from work, I realize my shoe is a bit sticky. OBVIOUSLY, this is the first day I decided to keep my heals on instead of changing into my flip flops. I look down, and all over the bottom of my FAVORITE black pants is MOTHERTRUCKIN GUM. I really thought smoke was going to come out of my ears I was so mad. So now I have to pick someone else's gross dirty gum off my precious pants. I'm practically gagging, just thinking about the gross factor of this, and get very little off. So now I have to go the rest of the day with gum on my pants AND my cute black sandals.

People, please do not spit gum out on the sidewalk. I hope who ever did this, gets pooped on by a pigeon on their way to work tomorrow.

So to cheer myself up (because chipotle didn't) I bought new lip gloss, nailpolish, and HEATH BAR BITES. I am such a typical chick.