This little blog of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!

Oh blog, how I've missed you so. There is no acceptable excuse for my slacking, so I apologize to my faithful readers. In my defense, I have had a pretty uneventful couple of weeks (not inclucing my trip to Boston, of course). James has been away and will be for another 12 days. My life as a "singleton" has included spending lots of money on clothes and watching countless hours of Nick at Nite until the wee hours. Pathetic, I know. My laziness has taken over, my house is a mess and I ordered Fresh Direct instead of walking the 90 seconds to Stop & Shop (but I did get a FREE chicken pot pie!).

So last Friday after work, I hopped on the overpriced Acela to go to Boston. Three and a half hours later, I was getting into Devin's brand new Z4 (hottttttt, I miss having a convertible (although, you really cannot compare a 2006 BMW to a 1991 VW, but I digress)). I think this was the first time I have ever visited Boston when it wasn't the dead of winter, so that was nice. It's kind of funny, but I clearly know more people in Boston than I do here in NYC. Yet I don't think you could pay me enough to move there.

Tonight, I am hopping on the very reasonably priced Metro North to go visit the fam. And go shopping (yippee for buying a dress for Will and Kristin's wedding!). And see the band nerds! I'm excited.

Next weekend, Devin is coming to visit ME for once. I love having plans and being busy on the weekends. Then I can't dwell on how sad and pathetic my life is right now. Hooray for denial!

The only thing getting me thru the lack of boyfriend has been the start of the new TV season. Yes, I am a sad, sad creature. ER is still great, even though they CHANGED THE THEME SONG. Really, how do you change the song for a show that has been on the air since forever? I get mad every time I hear the new version (which really isn't a song anyway). Studio 60 is awesome, Matthew Perry is awesome, and so is HARRY GOLDENBLATT. Ugly Betty is amazing, only because they make fun of Queens once every 3 minutes. And because Caleb Nichol is Dean Hess' father. The OC starts in a few weeks, and if this is its last season, I'm never watching TV again. I'm trying to start watching Grey's, I have the first season at home but my utter laziness is preventing me from starting it.

And that, my friends, is my lameass life. TV, TV, and more TV.

My Tai Shan would never do such a thing!

Funniest thing ever.

A conversation with my mother...

[To preface the story, last week my mom told me that James dresses like a teenager. Every time I talk to her, she tells me how he needs to buy a new suit. And whenever she sees a black man on TV who looks nice, she tells me that James needs to buy whatever black man was wearing.]

Mom: "So, what did James buy when you went shopping this weekend?"
Me: "A winter hat and a casual jacket."
Mom: "Hmmmm... what kind of jacket?"
Me: "I don't know, its gray and striped and has some pink in it."
Mom: "Well, who would wear it, Kanye West or Snoop Dogg?"

[Clearly, mom my is hip.]

[Another preface: my mom always yells at me for not watching the same TV shows as her.]

Mom: "Now, I need you to watch 2 shows tonight, Studio 60 [which was awesome] and this other new show that starts at 8."
Me: "What's it called?"
Mom: "Hmmm, I don't know but its about this girl who goes to a high school reunion and sees her prom date that ended up being gay and it really messed her up in the head and then you see her husband and he's really REALLY gay and I think that you will really like it so you need to watch it."

Awesome.

Great article ever.

Everyone, please read this article. It will make you feel so good about yourself.

My favorite quote: "They concluded that men who drink earn 10 percent more than abstainers and women drinkers earn 14 percent more than non-drinkers."

Hot damn!

Get in there!

Ignoring the bad news posted yesterday, my Labor Day weekend was quite fabulous. Sunday night was quite the debaucherous event. Since Miss Melissa was so very persistent that I write about it, here is a highlight list of the night/morning/afternoon:

• Chris drinking Captain Morgan in the car
• $15 for a fabulous bright green bracelet
  
• No Maxim Models at the Maxim Model Party
• Melissa banging my head... more than once
• Chris and his make-out buddy
• Chris and his duck butt hair
  
• James telling a guy that was trying to dance with us that Chris had guns to protect us with. Turns out, the guy was a cop and showed us his badge. James then told him Chris had permits for every single gun.
  
• "I just wanted to tell you that you have great legs - and I'm a personal trainer. Whatever you are doing, keep on dong it." - Big Huge Black Bouncer Dude (apparently, the gym is doing wonders for me)
  
• Melissa making fun of how the cab driver talked and calling 411 TWICE trying to get the number for Astoria Diner so they could deliver bacon cheese fries to us (it didn't happen)
  
• James' grilled turkey and cheese from the floor
• The all day next day hangover
• 5,000 calorie trip to CHERRY VALLEY (the greatest place ON EARTH!!!!)
  
• James' hat flying out the window while he was driving (don't worry, he got it back)
  

And now, I am sick. Clearly all that fun came at a price!

Rest in peace, my friend.

An old friend passed away this weekend. Words cannot describe how terrible I feel. Even though its been years since we've talked, I feel so unbelievable sad. And mad. At 25, I should not be losing friends. With all the awful, hurtful people in this world, why do amazingly awesome people have to die? I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to run out of my office screaming but I have to put on this fake happy face and pretend everything is fine.

I cannot imagine what his family is going through right now. Matt was in the Peace Corps working in Africa, where he had been for the past 3 years. I cannot remember the last time we spoke, probably at some point in college. I have lost touch with so many old friends from high school and it saddens me. Even though we have all changed and grown apart, we had so many good times together.

I keep almost crying. I hate being emotional at work. I want to leave and never come back. I want to go town to town and go hug all of my friends. Nothing is easy anymore. Nothing is simple.

You will be missed <3

I wish I could buy me a spaceship and fly past the sky

I cannot describe my love of being close to the stage at concerts. It makes me feel so special. We could have been closer, but I'm not going to dwell on it (grumble, grumble). Anyway, we were about 15 feet from the stage and it was freaking AWESOME. The Nokia Theater is mad cool, I decided that I want to have my wedding reception there.

We finally got inside at about 8:30ish and DJ AM was spinning/playing/DJing. He was good but after awhile, standing around got old. Kanye was suppose to go on at 9 but didn't come out until 10:30, I think DJ AM was about out of songs to play.

So Kanye finally comes out and he opens with Diamonds are Forever. Now, we knew that John Legend and Pharrell were suppose to guest but I was so hoping for Jay-Z to come out and surprise us all (he didn't). Kanye did a few more songs and then they brought out a piano and BAM! John Legend, the love of my life came out and did 2 of his songs. And then Common came out and the 3 of them did some songs. Awesome. The 3 of them should go on tour, I would totally follow them around the country and be their groupie.

After John and Common left the stage, Kanye started talking to the crowd and played a few snippets of songs he's written/produced for other people. Then Pharrell came out. Now, I saw N.E.R.D. a few summers ago when them opened for DMB in Hartford and they weren't that good. But just Pharrell by himself, awesome. He is hot. And he definitely was checking out some girl in the front of the crowd and didn't stop looking at her the entire time he was on stage. It was hysterical.

So Kanye and Pharrell do some songs, Pharrell leaves, Kanye does a few more songs alone, and that was it. The whole concert was only an hour and a half long but it was definitely fabulous.

I was actually impressed with how good Kanye was live. I had heard/read that he was awful but for the amount of running around and dancing he did, he did a damn good job keeping up and not missing too many lines. And John Legend could play the same song over and over and over and I would still love him more than life. He is amazing. We saw him when he opened up for Alicia Keys last year, and as much as I love Alicia, I think he was the best part of the show (well, actually, the best part of the show was when Chrissie met Derek Jeter). Thankfully, John Legend is playing September 18th at the Bowery Ballroom and I'm going to buy my tickets today!

I love concerts! :-D

On a completely unrelated topic, I know the girl that this lyric was written about:

"At my arraignment, note for the plaintiff
Your daughter's tied up in a Brooklyn basement
Face it, not guilty, that's how I stay filthy"

LOL, I'm totally not kidding!

And here are some hot-ass pictures I took!

BREAKING NEWS

I interrupt your regularly scheduled workday for the following important announcement:

THE MOTHEREFFING PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE IS BACK AT STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I almost wet my pants I was so excited when I walked in and saw the new sign. This means I have at least 4 full months to enjoy this amazing treat. Time to start doing 90 minutes on the elliptical instead of 45 to compensate!

I think I may need to go get another one before the concert tonight! :-D

#1 Losers

Five years ago, if you had asked me what my weekends would be like at age 25, I would have probably said "have a drink or two at some nice, fancy bar with my fancy boyfriend and our classy friends."

Clearly I had no idea that at age 25, I would be partaking in a beer pong tournament in someones parent's garage where James and I would be the first losers, have to wear a bright yellow plastic visor that said "#1 Loser" on it, get bitten so hard that I have a vampire teeth shaped bruise on my bicep (thank you Kyle), drink beer for about 8 hours straight, eat my body weight in brownies, and end the night doing my second grade ballet recital dance to "I Feel Pretty."

Apparently the binge drinking doesn't end in college!

(Kanye concert tomorrow! With John Legend and Pharrell!)

My latest, ummm, compliment

"I like the way you walk, baby. You walk very nice. No need to rush, slow down!"

OMFG I NEED THIS

Excuse me, I'm whacktose intolerant

It finally happened. I was walking down the stairs to the subway this morning, jamming out to Madonna, when a train came into the station. Since I was listening to my IPod way too loud, I didn't actually HEAR the train. As many of you know, when a train comes, along with it is a big rush of wind. Yes folks, the wind went right up my pretty green skirt and a bunch of people behind me saw my pretty pink (full-butt, thank goodness) panties. I was so flustered trying to contain my skirt, that I dropped my pretty pink IPod too. I tried to ignore the laughter of the people behind me, to no avail.

So of course I just wanted to laugh at myself (very similar to when I fell down the escalator last year) but since I was alone and didn't want to be mistaken for a well-dressed crazy person, I kept my giggles to myself.

Then, to add the icing on the cake, as I went to sit down on the train, the train started to move. And I went flying into the poor lady next to me, did an awesome spin moved, let out a little whoaaaaa, and grabbed a pole. Hopefully no one saw both of my little mishaps this morning.

It's been quite a day!

The Ultimate Insult

Friday night, James and I met "New Friend" who went to our college for one year but neither of us knew. So we are chatting with "New Friend" at the bar and we had the following conversation:

NF: So, how did you two meet?
Me: At RPI.
NF: Oh, so you went to Sage.
Me: Ummm, no, I went to RPI too!!!

(after NF goes to get another drink)

Me: OMFG, I can't believe he thought I went to Sage, I freaking graduated Magna Cum Laude, why do people assume I am dumb, rant rant rant.

Bad move, NF, bad move. Blonde and boobs != dumb.

Nerd Alert!!

Bad things happen in 3s, right??

1. There was a suspicious package on my subway CAR today. Not just on my train, in my actual car. Like 10 feet away. It was nothing, but for a very scary 10 minutes at 57th and 7th today, I was envisioning Gatorade, explosives, and I-Pods all in a black garbage bag.

2. James is going to be traveling for work for SIX MOTHEREFFING WEEKS IN A ROW. Maryland to Hungary to the Philippines. I hate him, his boss, foreign countries that aren't Italy, and everything related to e-commerce business. I think I may quit my job and move back in with my parents. I think I may be more serious about that than I originally thought.

3. I called my mom to tell her about James' World Tour of Awful Countries and she tells me that the dry cleaners (yes, my mom gets me things dry cleaned and she lives 2 hours away) lost my long, fabulous, white Kenneth Cole coat. And this is why I don't buy expensive things.

All this before noon!

Ya want them pretty things, I'm the one ya need to ask!

Last night, we piled into the monster truck and went off to the gym like the good little worker outers we have become. Since the towing incident of last week, we had to park on the street with the rest of the pions of Astoria. So we roll up to the gym and guess what! THE GYM IS NO MORE. That's right, the ghettoness that was Gold's Gym of Astoria is closed the F down. Apparently they lost their lease (overnight?). According to the sign on the door, our memberships would be honored at the Gold's in Woodside. So we pile back into the monster truck and head over to that one. Of course I start complaining on how this gym is going to be even more ghetto since the building looks super gross on the outside and its much farther away, blah blah blah. We get there and get this... IT HAS AIR CONDITIONING! No more sweaty, smelly, leaky, mildew smelling shit hole! This gym is an actual REAL gym! Lots of machines, music, a nice cold temperature, and they actually sell things, like bottled water! And they even have classes (not that I would ever go, I hate classes, but still). So even though its more out of the way and we can't walk to this one (not that we ever walked to the old gym, but we could if we wanted to) I think we will like it more. And I wasn't the only girl there, which is always a bonus.

Also, why didn't anyone ever tell me about this?! Dear God that is the greatest website EVER!!!!!!!!!

I've decided I need to become more financially responsible/independent. This may or may not include getting a new/second job and/or moving somewhere cheaper (not likely). So I've decided that I want to be out of creit card debt by 12/31/06 and have $10,000 saved by 12/31/07. If James and I both can manage this, we may be able to buy a house/condo/co-op/parking space in 2008! Woohoo!

Of course, this means no vacations, no expensive jeans when I finally lose my fatness, and no more online shopping when I am bored.

OMG that sounds like the most boring life ever, I may need to rethink this plan...

The State of the Coutter Address

So a proper update is needed:

Last weekend:

Karen and Kevin's wedding was lovely. I got drunk, danced, and had tons of fun. The next day, James convinced me to go to Mohegan where we both were big time losers. Much to our surprise, though, when we returned to the Ghetto House on Sunday evening, a check from none other than CON ED was waiting in our mailbox! Yes folks, we got our $194.90 reimbursement check for our spoiled groceries. I was shocked that they actually sent them out so quickly, I was expecting it sometime around Thanksgiving.

This week:

Boring, typical week. Murda's car got towed on Wednesday. Don't ever shop at PC Richard's in Astoria, they are mean and tow your car when you park in their lot and go to the gym across the street. [Funny sidebar, on the ticket it said we were seen parking in their lot and then going into Pizzeria Uno (which is also next to our gym). Clearly I would have enjoyed Uno much more than the gym. I really wanted to set the tow truck man straight, but I didn't] The weird thing about this was during my lunch break Wednesday, I had this really strong urge to go to the ATM and take out a bunch of money for this upcoming weekend. Usually I would have waited until right before we left but I was like, being drawn to the BOA ATM. Turns out, both James and Chris left their wallets in the car when we went to the gym so I was the only one with any form of money. And it happened to be almost the exact $162 it cost to get his car back. Weird.

This weekend:

Tonight we are driving upstate to TRIZ-OY for the weekend. Tomorrow will be spent betting money on horses at SAR-A-TO-GA. I can't wait, I freaking love the track. Then tomorrow evening, James and the boys are going to Will's bachelor party (strippers and poker, how classy) and I will be reliving college with the roommates and going on the First Annual Gabriesmella Albany Pub Crawl.

And that, my friends, is what is up with me.

OMFG it's like my dream come true!

First the release of 90210 on dvd, now this:

Former teen queen Debbie Gibson is helping out Jordan Knight to promote his CD "Love Songs". They made a new cool collaboration song called "Say Goodbye" a duet which will be released on Sept. 12, 2006.

It's like 1988 all over again! Debbie Gibson was my first concert EVER, followed by New Kids the following summer (both happened to be at Lake Compounce LOL). I need to download this song immediately!!

I miss him :-(

A funny thing happened on my way home from work...

As I walked up the stairs from the fabulous R train on Friday, I was greeted by a very large group of people on the sidewalk. And an ambulance. And about 10 undercover cops. Obviously, being the nosey neighbor that I am, I stopped and started trying to figure out what was going on. Now, in a normal neighborhood, one could just ask one of their friendly neighbors what the 411 was. However, since I am the only English speaking person on my block, this was not the case. So I had to use my imagination. This is what I saw:

1. One skanky girl, in handcuffs, with belly shirt, ill-fitting pants and visible thong (the poor dear was having such a hard time pulling up her pants with the handcuffs on, and when she did, the audience laughed at her)
   
2. One skanky guy, on stretcher, with face sliced from ear to mouth
3. One skanky girl, covered in blood, first not handcuffed, then handcuffed after they brought out her skanky wood wedge sandals

From what I figured out and with the help of some overheard Spanish, I think it was a case of Husband-Wife-Mistress. Sadly, it wasn't important enough for the news, I can't find anything about on the Intarnet. So upsetting.

And this is why we are trying to break our lease.

Our pet's heads are falling off!

Sorry for the lack of proper updates, the heat has rendered me completely useless this week.

I am anti-paragraphs and complete thoughts today, so bear with me.

I realized today that the leaves are starting to fall off the trees in Madison Square Park. Maybe they're all dead from the heat. Or maybe it's almost fall. Irregardless, it bothered me.

I spent an obnoxious amount of money online today on makeup. Like $150 worth of obnoxiousness. It should be illegal to buy things online while bored at work. But DAMN, am I ever going to look fabulous when it all arrives!

I am going to CT tonight for a wedding. I am very excited.

I now only have 1 friend left who is in a serious relationship who isn't engaged or married. Craziness, I tell you, when did we get so OLD?!

I've been going to the gym for 2 weeks now and have muscles! Which will all be lost this weekend when I gorge out on wedding food and drinks. And Dairy Queen. This damn city really needs some Dairy Queens.

I have a new found hatred for wedding registries. I mean, I understand that 50 years ago, it made sense to register for pots and pans and cookie sheets and peelers and spatulas. But COME ON NOW, you aren't 18 and just moved out of your house. I would assume most people, at the age of 25, own enough kitchen tools to survive. When I get married (which of course, at this rate, will be in the year 2324) I am registering for a new laptop, a digital camera, and clothes. And makeup, lots of makeup. And expensive shoes. I mean, if someone wants a $250 set of freaking pots and pans, I can want a $300 Coach bag, right? I just don't get it. The last thing ON EARTH I want someone to buy me is anything related to the kitchen. My IKEA cutlery and plates (which have been in our friend's basement since March) is just fine with me for all eternity.

On an unrelated note, since my life has been kind of boring and not blog worthy lately, I've decided to start writing about fun things that happened in college (can you say "trying to relive my youth"). I'm hoping other people would be interested in it, if not, at least I have some form of record of it before I get too old and can't remember it anymore.

As a preview, here are a few things you all can look forward to in the coming weeks:
"The Day I Almost Got Arrested"
"The Day Our Apartment Got Broken Into"
"The Day of the Booze Cruise in the Bahamas"
and finally
"The Day I Cut My Butt"

Peace out homies, stay cool.

I am utterly speechless.

"Meanwhile, each resident of northwest Queens hit by last month's blackout can expect a $3 credit on the next electric bill, Con Ed CEO Kevin Burke told a state Assembly hearing yesterday - a sum labeled an "insult" by several local officials."

Wow, just wow. Three whole dollars! I'm rich, biotch!

It's the end of the world as we know it.

Just in case anyone didn't already think I lived in a war zone...

"Meanwhile in Astoria, on Broadway and 48th Street, a manhole explosion and fire in the area left several blocks of residents and businesses in the dark."

Yes, I live on 48th Street at Broadway. Thankfully, we didn't lose power. But I am sure glad I've started walking on the opposite side of the street as the manholes WITH LIVE POWER LINES COMING IN AND OUT OF THEM.

James called the landlord again yesterday asking about breaking the lease. Still no word. If one more manhole explodes, I'm packing up and moving to the Amish country.

I've been flaunting the wrong assets this whole time!

Conversation I had today with Package Delivery Man in the Elevator:

Man: "You have beautiful feet!"
Me: "Uhhh thanks?"
{Man looks up to my face after staring at my feet intently}
Man: "AND your pretty too!"
Me: "..."
Man: "What a lucky guy, whoever has you!"
{Man gets off at his floor}

Sadly, this is the not the first time this has happened to me. There was a similar incident in Price Chopper in Troy during college. I would be okay with this, IF I did in fact have beautiful feet. Sadly, I have gross, ugly feet. They aren't even painted nicely today. And I was wearing flip flops, not some glamorous shoe that would make the ugliness less apparent.

I don't get it. James thinks its a pickup line. I think people are just crazy.

17 hours and 48 minutes of pure enjoyment!

So I was just walking around on my lunch break, minding my own business, when I happened on some filming. After some snooping around, I see that its a episode of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent." (They were filming inside the Museum of Sex, I think.) Anyway, since I am not a fan, I didn't get too excited because I didn't think anyone was on it that was worth any excitement. Alas, I was so very wrong. I COULD HAVE SEEN MR. FREAKING BIG!!!! I am heartbroken. Seeing a member of the 2nd greatest tv show of all time would totally make my day/week/month/year. Oh well.

Now, on to the 1st greatest tv show of all time. On Friday, I went on a google-hunt to see if there was any new news on the release of 90210 on DVD. Sadly, there was nothing. Much to my surprise, yesterday while reading Pink Blog, I saw this little tidbit:

Beverly Hills, 90210 -
The Complete 1st Season

NOVEMBER 7th

My life is now complete.

Little tiny goldfish!

Just in case anyone is keeping track, our power came back on sometime Wednesday night. Its not 100% but the A/C s and the computers work so I'm a happy girl again.

As many of you already know, I am addicted to 100 Calorie Packs. They are my savior. Yesterday at the store, I found GOLDFISH 100 CALORIE PACKS! The best part is, the goldfish are half the size of normal ones. THEY ARE SO FREAKING CUTE. Seriously. I love them. I almost don't want to eat them. Almost.

Today was a big day at work. Earlier in the week, my boss found out he won a free lunch at Chipotle for him and 20 of his coworkers. All by just putting his business card in a bowl. It was awesome. Free food is my favorite.

Plans for the weekend include: laundry, sleeping, the superbowl of flag football, buying a new dress, and finally cleaning the bedroom. I am so cool

Three Little Words...

Fuck Con Edison.

"Wednesday morning, there were still about 1,100 customers without service in Queens due to feeder problems and about 100,000 customers affected by a voltage reduction. A voltage reduction, or brown out, reduces the amount of power flowing on the lines.

The spokesman did not know when Con Edison would fix the feeder problem and lift the voltage reduction."

I haven't slept since Sunday night. I'm going on caffeine and pure hatred towards life right now. Clearly this city is out to get me.

I'm about ready to pack up my things and move into my parents basement for all eternity.

I ironed my shirt for this?!

Ah, a lovely weekend at home. In front of the TV. In the air conditioning. My favorite.

Friday night, me and the 2 clowns went out. It was super lame which solidifies my usual stance of not going out on Fridays. It was my first time seeing EMPTY bars in Manhattan. Shocking, I know.

Saturday I spent the entire day on the couch, mostly asleep. It was fantastic. The only time I left the house was to go to the grocery store to get ice cream.

Sunday we went to Target and Coldstone and then I played the greatest video game of all time until James banned me from it and forced me to clean.

And now I am a loner until Wednesday. The poor BF is in Detroit for work. I think Detroit would be the absolute last place in the entire US that I would like to visit. I mean, it has nothing going for it, besides Eminem being from there. Lame.

My musics so loud...

So I tend not to write much about my job, as I fear the liabilities that may comes with me babbling on the intarnet. But this just can't be kept secret.

In my office, there are about 25-30 people. Half of which are sales and half are non-sales. The sales people are made up of about 7-10 preppy, white boy sales guys in their late 20s/early 30s. And they all remind me of an ex from college, so that means I automatically don't like them. Anyway, a few moments ago, one of them decided to play some music. Yes folks, "Ridin" was just played in my office. And there was singing. I was embarrassed for them.

In other loud music news, darling James called up our landlord yesterday. In his message, he proceeded to tell him how unhappy we were with the apartment, how we felt unsafe, how we were told by the real estate guy that they would only be renting the other apartments in the building to "professionals" and that is CLEARLY not the case (he actually said people must only be professionals until noon and then they blast their music for the rest of the day), and that we didn't realize people would be getting killed on the next block over.

We are either going to be evicted for being annoying or told we can't break our lease and then will be tormented for the next 9 months as payback for being annoying.

So we may be moving again. This will be 5th move since February 2005. I keep Uhaul in business, apparently.

"Willingness to live in New York City and travel to Italy on a regular basis"

I found the perfect job today. Too bad they want someone who is fluent in Italian. I wonder if my mangled Ital-nish language I created would qualify?

Luxury and Ugliness

In a few short hours, the BF and I will be packing up the Beemer (its for sale, wanna buy it?!) and heading out to the fabulous suburbs for the weekend. I am beyond excited. A whole weekend of central air conditioning! And a pool! And trees! And cheap movie theaters! And mini golf! And, most importantly, A BIG HOUSE WITHOUT ANY PARENTS! I feel like a teenager. I should throw a kegger. And invite all 4 people I know in Connecticut.

Last night, we went to the Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria for a little Thursday night fun. Now, I realize that Queens is not a haven of pretty people, but OMFG it was like an ugly convention. I was CLEARLY the prettiest girl there, which in my current state, is not saying much for the rest of the ladies there. It was insane, I felt like I was back in DC, or even worse, back upstate, with the amount of overweight and/or just plain BEAT looking people. It didn't help that their "garden" feels like a frat party/county fair, with picnic tables and big tents. Perhaps only the pretty people go there on the weekends?

I am a horrible web designer.

BREAKING NEWS:

It has come to my attention that Queen here does not look her best when viewed in IE on a Windows machine. Another fine example of why we should all use MACS (or at least Firefox). So until I get my lazy butt around to fixing my CSS, DON'T LOOK AT ME IN DUMB INTERNET EXPLORER!!!

(You would think since this is what I do FOR A LIVING, I would have been smart enough to test my code in more than 1 PC browser. Apparently I am dumb.)

You may now return to your regularly scheduled work.

I've been a negligent mother.

I know, I suck lately. But in my defense, I've been very anti-everything the past few days so I didn't want to publicly display my negativity.

So, to update:

• The bachelorette party was a smashing success. It was really fun AND cheap! Who said Hartford is lame! But I was pretty shocked that the bar closed at 2 AND there were no cabs waiting outside the bar.
• I have started to hate our neighborhood/apartment/everything. A lot.
• This happened about 2 inches from our house, next to our Stop and Shop. Hot. As far as I know, they still haven't caught the people who did it.
• My parents and brother are in Italy for 10 days. I wasn't invited.
• Something terribly awful happened to one my dear friends. It's very sad and I hate feeling absolutely useless.
• I am officially broke. Like literally, no money at all. I am obviously too poor for this NYC lifestyle.
• After 18 years of complaining about how much I hate Connecticut and declaring my love for city life, I have decided that after 3 months here, I want to move to the suburbs. In Connecticut. And have a backyard and a driveway and patio furniture. I am such a hypocrite.
  
• I have to work on Monday and I am beyond angry about it. But I can wear jeans to the office. And I am getting out at 3. And I'm getting out at 4:30 today. But I'm still mad.
• James won't go to Italy with me next May. We could stay for 14 days, at 2 of the nicest hotels in all of Europe, for about $2000. And he won't go. He sucks. A LOT. If all of the miles and points weren't in his name, I would go without him.
• My friend Karen's wedding cruise leaves on Sunday. I am so regretting not going.
  
• A little teeny, tiny part of me misses Maryland.

So while in CT last weekend at the party, I was asked the following questions about a bajillion times:

• When are you getting engaged?
• Why aren't you engaged yet!
• When's the big day?
• Wait, how long have you guys been together?
• What's wrong with James, why hasn't he proposed yet?

People, DO NOT ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, I think I would be less offended if someone asked me how much I weighed. Obviously the answers to these questions are not happy, cute answers, SO WHY ASK THEM. I swear, after saying "oh we don't have the money" blah blah blah 4035423 times, I almost said "WE AREN'T ENGAGED BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY ME!" I would have loved to see someone's reaction to that. I know no one asks these questions in a vicious manner, but GOD. I hate it. HATE IT.

And this is why I was staying away from the blog.

Happy freakin' 4th of July people. I need a beer.

How to Tailgate Like a Champ

After 7 years and 30 shows, I am now a professional. So to share my knowledge with those less informed, I give you the following:

What to Bring (in no particular order):

• Tickets
• Water (everyone needs to stay hydrated!)
• Beer (leave the liquor at home kids, you won’t last all day, I promise)
• Case of Soda (trust me, there is a reason)
• Ice
• Coolers
• Food (lots of it!)
• Bug Spray
• Sunscreen
• Baby wipes
• Toilet paper
• Paper towels
• Garbage bags (bring 2, one for garbage, one for empties)
• Camera
• Chairs
• Sunglasses
• Rain gear (just in case)
• Sweatshirt
• Radio (and batteries, if needed)
• Cups (so very important)
• Eye drops
• Cards
• Table

Tips and Tricks:

• Problem: Alcohol is not permitted in the parking lots. You need to transport more beer than your cooler will permit to your tailgating spot (assuming its not right next to your car).
  Solution: Take the case of soda you bought and empty it. Place leftover beer in the soda case, and carry it to your spot carefree.
  Important notes: Obviously you must buy beer in cans for this to work. Coors cans are larger than soda and other beer cans. They will not fit. Plan accordingly
  
  
• Problem: No bathrooms, gross bathrooms, Port-a-potties (this one is for the ladies, obviously boys can pee anywhere)
  Solution #1: Pop a squat in the woods. Don’t want that nasty “splatter” on your legs? Take a cup and cut a hole in the bottom. Then use this as a “funnel”. It will reduce the splatter. Or don’t cut a hole and just use the cup, then dump out.
  Solution #2: If there are no woods, bring along a beach-sized umbrella. Find a wall. Use the umbrella to block yourself. Also helps to bring along 2 friends to block the sides (you can bring beach towels to really cover yourself up.)
  Important notes: Apparently public urination can get you in trouble in some places. Keep this in mind. Wearing a skirt/dress makes things soooooo much easier. Always use the baby wipes to freshen up your hands!
  
  
• Problem: You can bring a water bottle into the show, but they take the top off at the gate. Or you buy a bottle of water inside the show, and they take the top off.
  Solution: Sneak an extra cap in your purse and voila!
  
  
• Problem: It’s raining and your tickets got soaked in your cute little purse
  Solution: Always keep your tickets in a plastic sandwich bag!!!
  
  
• Problem: You need to sneak a camera in (or anything else) down your pants
  Solution: Two pairs of underwear keep things sanitary (put the camera in between the two pairs).
  
  
• Problem: You sat outside in the hot sun all day, had a few drinks, and then ended up puking in the parking lot while your favorite song is being played.
  Solution: DRINK MORE WATER YOU FOOL, YOU WERE SEVERLY DEHYDRATED.

(More to come!!)

Let's go Whalers!

Since it is officially summer, my arsenal of skirts has been out in full effect. As I was walking up 5th yesterday, enjoying my lunch break, a hot gust of wind caught me off guard. Yes, I almost had a Marilyn Monroe moment. I was about a milli-second away from giving a large group of tourists quite an eye full. Something needs to be done about this. I'm not sure what, but it's quite the problem. I love my flowy skirts (since they hide the fatness so well!) but I don't enjoy holding on to them every time the wind blows (and apparently, NYC is very windy). AND today I tripped so bad that I almost ended up face first on the sidewalk. I really should just stay inside at all times.

I have officially become too old to go to concerts on back-to-back days. It is Tuesday and I am still recovering. I hurt my back, I have a cough, I'm exhausted. A few years back, we used to do FOUR shows in FIVE days. Now I'm just hoping I'll be recovered by Saturday for THE BACHELORETTE PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA. I am so excited. I'm always so envious of bachelorette parties when I see them out. But now, I finally get to be part of it! Woohoo!

Since this weekend was my 7th year of tailgating, I have been asked to write a book on the subject. I don't think I'm book ready yet, but a very long and detailed blog will be coming in the next few days (or hours, depending on my motivation). I have come up with some fabulous ideas in my 30 concerts, so I feel the need to share with the interweb. I may even do a concert review of this weekends' shows.

Finally, the Whalers won the Stanley Cup last night. Devin and I spent the morning searching for t-shirts to show our Whaler pride. If anyone knows of good custom t-shirt making websites, let me know!

Heading back up to the mothership

So this evening after work, I will be boarding a train for the lovely ALB. (Ok, lovely is def not the word of choice but I'm trying to be positive today) Tomorrow and Saturday will be my 29th and 30th Dave Matthews Band concerts. It all started in August of 1999, the first show at the Meadows. Since then, I have seem them 9 times at the Meadows in Hartford, 13 times at SPAC in Saratoga, and 3 times at MSG. And we cannot forget the greatest show of all time, CENTRAL PARK (this is clearly the best because I make my DVD debut, sitting on Marc's shoulders waving like a madwoman). Anyway, every year I have the same doubts: am I too old for this? Are they going to suck this year? Is there going to be so much drama before the show that I will not be able to enjoy myself? I really hope this weekend goes off smoothly. The weather looks like it will be amazing, unlike last year's monsoon. I have my cute outfits ready to go, and my liver ready for some heavy binge drinking. I just want to sit in the park, in the shade by the river, eating, drinking, and enjoying the outside-ness. I want no drama, no yelling, no fighting. Will I get my wish? I sure hope so!

Next weekend I will be attending my first bachelorette party. I am beyond excited for this. My friend Karen who I have known since third grade is getting married. It still baffles me that my friends are getting married. Seriously, I still feel like a dumb 19 year old. How is it that my friends are old enough to be MARRIED?!? OLD PEOPLE GET MARRIED. I mean, Karen was on my softball team way back in Norton School. And in a few weeks she will be a Mrs.

WHEN DID WE GET SO OLD?!?!

This makes me mad.

Why do the prices of iced caramel lattes at Dunkin Donuts vary so much? I mean, I understand that they will be more on this lovely island of Manhattan than in my Latino ghetto neighborhood. But should they really differ between stores 5 BLOCKS AWAY! I am poor, people, I cannot afford to pay 50 cents more because I am too lazy to walk the extra block. This really drives me crazy. It also makes me mad that they have lowered the price of HOT lattes now that it is summer (but only at certain stores).

[Yes, I know I should spend my time worrying and bitching about more important things. But lattes are very important to me.]

In other news, I had Whitecastle for the first time ever this weekend. It was fascinating. I cannot believe I went 25+ years without it. There is just something about tiny little burgers that makes me want to eat billions of them.

And in other news, along with eating Whitecastle this weekend, I definitely ate Coldstone TWICE in three days.

And finally, I will be going to the gym tonight. For all eternity.

How I Didn't Spend $1500 on Five Bottles of Vodka

Well, I've joined the land of bloggers again. After my brief hiatus, I should provide you all with a fabulous post. But I'm tired, cranky, starving, and not feeling up to a lot of writing. However, I will tell a short story detailing my Saturday night.

(Names have been withheld to protect the identities of people and places involved)

It was a friend of a friend's birthday. We met up outside birthday boy's choice of bar. There seemed to be some drama about getting into said bar (there were about 15-18 in our group). Finally, we were allowed into the fancy smancy bar/lounge/whatever. So we walk downstairs into the basement (yes, fancy smancy place was in a basement) and follow the leader into a private room/cave. How lovely, I thought, we get our own little room. Then the waiter brings over some mixers and I'm like ah, they are going to order bottles. Now, I am not the college girl of years past and really only have a few drinks when I go out (because I am a lightweight and poor), so the idea of ordering bottles doesn't really appeal to me. After some more drama, it turns out that for us to sit in this little cave, it will cost us $1500. And for that $1500, we will get five bottles. Five. Five bottles. Of vodka. Not gold, not water from the fountain of your. Five bottles of vodka. And not even fancy vodka. So when I found out this little tidbit of info, I laughed. I laughed a lot. I told James. Smoke came out of his ears. We then decided we would not be enjoying the cave with the others and would be buying our own drinks from the bar like normal poor people. Needless to say, that put a bit of a damper on the rest of the evening. (Along with James getting wasted and then puking all over our bathroom when we finally got home that night).

So the moral of the story is, whenever you have to BEG to get into a bar (yes, they had to BEG to get in and pay $1500 for shitty vodka) it can never have a good outcome. You are much better off drinking Nick Lachey's on your couch in your un-air-conditioned apartment in the Latino ghetto.

Sad Face

So after completely jinxing myself with yesterday's post title, I'm going on a blog-vacation. I will be in CT until Tuesday for some family stuff. But I will leave you, faithful readers, with the following:

• I saw a partial skull (animal, thank god) on my street today, with teeth and everything
  
• I've seen 2 people in a week clipping their toenails OUTSIDE ON THE SIDEWALK
• People ask me for directions on a daily basis, do I really look like a walking map?
• Gum on your pants is really not the end of the world, as I have learned in the past 24 hours
  

Peace out homies.

Could this day get any worse?

So I left work in a bad mood, hoping my lovely lunch at chipotle would cheer me up. As I am walking, maybe a block or two from work, I realize my shoe is a bit sticky. OBVIOUSLY, this is the first day I decided to keep my heals on instead of changing into my flip flops. I look down, and all over the bottom of my FAVORITE black pants is MOTHERTRUCKIN GUM. I really thought smoke was going to come out of my ears I was so mad. So now I have to pick someone else's gross dirty gum off my precious pants. I'm practically gagging, just thinking about the gross factor of this, and get very little off. So now I have to go the rest of the day with gum on my pants AND my cute black sandals.

People, please do not spit gum out on the sidewalk. I hope who ever did this, gets pooped on by a pigeon on their way to work tomorrow.

So to cheer myself up (because chipotle didn't) I bought new lip gloss, nailpolish, and HEATH BAR BITES. I am such a typical chick.

Butt...

It has been a busy day here in office-land! Perhaps a longer post will come later tonight, but for now, I will leave you, faithful reader, with this short story:

As I was walking to work this morning, I passed a group of "thugs" sitting on the benches alongside the park. As I walked by, one of these fine young gentlemen said, "Oh sh*t, she has a hell of a butt!" Now, this young man said this quite loud, as I was blasting my ipod and still heard him. Isn't that swell of him? Boys are great. But who says "butt" anyway? I mean, when the lovely BF and his scumbag friends talk about girls, they are at least obscene enough to say ass.

Ironically, while this all was going on, I was listening to MY HUMPS.

Back to work!

Apparently, I’m a Barbie girl.

Long weekend recap time!

Friday:
Got out of work early (woohoo) and then James and I walked 900 miles to find a new restaurant for dinner. We both sucked at life and were indecisive and cranky (ok, I was cranky) so we ended up at the quasi-gross pizza place. We then got wine and watched Desperation (kind of lame) in the sweltering heat of our apartment.

Saturday:
Went to Murda’s house and did laundry for days. Got obnoxiously sunburnt in about 45 minutes, which was totally awesome. We then proceeded to Will and Kristen’s. The night was filled with watching boys play poker and some stupid ultimate fighting crap. The fun level here was super high, let me tell you.

Sunday:
We ventured to the Queens mall for the first time. We both sucked at life (again) and didn’t buy anything. I then got ditched by James for Atlantic City. Awesome. So in protest, I ate ice cream and watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. And played lots of Kingdom Hearts 2. Obviously my coolness was just oozing out of me at this point.

Monday:
James got home at 7:45 in the morning. He slept for about 30 seconds and then we went to the park so him and Murda could pretend they were young and in shape and good at basketball. I read magazines in the shade (highlight of the weekend). Then we went to Murda’s house and ate and complained about how hot it was.

So on Sunday, while we were walking down our street from the subway, we passed a group of Spanish girls sitting on their stoop. They were probably 15-17. When we walked by, one of them starting singing “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world!” At first, I’m like, no, they were not just making fun of me! But then James said, I think you just got made fun of! I am the most un-Barbie Girl ever. Seriously. Barbie was tall. And tan. And skinny. I am none of these. I was highly insulted. Don’t these children know they must respect their elders!? God. I am still insulted.

Celebrity Sightings: 1

So after over a month, I have finally had my first celebrity sighting. This morning, I checked Gawker Stalker (like always) and saw that Tobey Maguire was in the area. So at lunch, I went on a little stalking mission. And what did I find? Spiderman 3 being filmed across the street from my job! How fun. I watched them film a scene with a little kid dressed up like Spiderman hanging upside down from a rope. And then, Mr. Tobey was spotted hanging out with the directors or whoever. He def looked right at me (or maybe the screaming Asian tourist girls next to me). Then I walked to a different stalking spot and watched him "audition" some model/extras. They were all about a foot taller than him (Spiderman is a bit on the short side) and they were doing their best catwalk walks (on sand). Overall, a fun lunch break.

The greatest sentence a girl will ever hear...

...if you want to take off a little early (4:30-5pm ish) then feel free.

<3 the boss man today!

Marriott sucks.

So earlier this week, I had, what I thought, was the GREATEST IDEA EVER. The GIE was this: James has 137,000 Marriot points from his many trips to the Philippines. Instead of going on the fabulous free trip we had planned, we would have our imaginary wedding at a Marriott and use the points to pay for some of it! Brilliant, right? 130,000 points is enough for SEVEN nights at Category 6 hotel (the highest is 7). The figures out to be around $2200 if you paid in cash. So today I emailed Marriott, just to see if you could use points for something other than a room. They quickly responded saying, why yes you can! Here is what available:

$250 Certificate to Use Towards Meeting Cost = 50,000 points
$500 Certificate to Use Towards Meeting Cost = 100,000 points

Un-freaking-believable. I am so annoyed.

Thursday Afternoon Rant

Random things that piss me off:

• Being the shortest person in all of Manhattan (along with the slowest walker and the palest)
• Random drips of "water" that fall from various places above me
  
• My apartment being dirty 24/7 (Note: this does not piss me off enough to actually do anything about it. It just annoys me enough to complain.)
• Getting a 25% raise by moving here and having LESS money than I did in DC
• My hair and its unableness to look nice
• Not getting a seat on the subway in the morning (this REALLY makes me mad, I feel like if I have to suffer out in Queens, I should AT LEAST be allowed to sit my fat ass down on my 9 hour commute.)
• Waking up and going to a job every morning (3 years in the workforce is enough, right?)
• These bullets in my list that won't show up in IE and I am too lazy to figure out why
• Being a "web designer"
• That if I eat ice cream every day, I WILL get fat
• My lack of celebrity sightings after over a month of stalking on my lunch hour
  

And finally, the number 1 thing that pisses me of....

• TODAY IS THURSDAY, NOT FRIDAY.
  

I <3 Carrie Bradshaw

I saw a woman on the subway this morning. WITH A FREAKING SCHRUNCHY. Seriously, are there really people out there who do not take what Carrie Bradshaw says as the gospel?

(Sidebar: last nigh on the WB was the episode where Samantha and HotHeManBoy shave their heads. Favorite scene of all time. Well, maybe second to when Carrie farts in bed with Big. That was classic.)

Dinner and Trailers.

Last night, James, Murda, Cathy, Melissa, and myself went out for Thai food in Forest Hills. This was my first time eating Thai food AND my first time to Forest Hills. Loved them both. So much, that today I looked up houses there and, get this, THEY ARE QUASI-AFFORDABLE. Like, James and I could maybe someday buy something there. And by something, I mean a condo, not a house. Anyway, dinner was lovely. With the exception of something that has been plaguing me for years now. It seems that whenever I am out to dinner with more than one other person, my dinner either comes out 5-10 minutes later than the rest OR is completely forgotten about. I would say this happens 75% of the time. For example, last night, there were 5 of us. The order consisted of 3 appetizers, 5 entrees, 1 bottle of wine, 1 soda, and water. Simple, right? I even ordered first. We even saw the waitress write the order down. But no. My Drunken Noodles were forgotten about. Now, since this has been happening to me for about 10 years now, I have come accustomed to it. It doesn't even bother me that much anymore. But it makes the rest of the people at your table feel awkward and, in most cases, makes the waiter/waitress feel bad too (which they should, but I still feel badly.) Why does this happen to me all the time?! I can't remember the last time I went somewhere and it was someone else's meal that was forgotten. So bizarre. The only bonus was we got a free dessert. Which is always nice.

Today, on my daily lunch hour walk, I had my first quasi-celebrity sighting. Ok, not really, but I saw some trailers on 7th Ave that had names on them (Cora and Chris). There was no filming anywhere to be seen, but I was still excited. So of course I will go stalk some more tomorrow. Although I imdb-ed the name Cora and nothing exciting or relevant came up.

Smack the ditz out of her.

Weekend Recap:

Friday:

• James met me after work and we hung out and shopped until the bus arrived
• We saw Courtney and Sima for about 5 seconds, then we took the train back to Quizeens
• Ate at what I thought was a Mexican restaurant that turned out to be Spanish and that shakes every time the subway goes by

Saturday:

• First stop on the Whirlwind NYC Tour: WTC site
• Second stop: Statue of Liberty
• Apparently, James and Alaina are NOT the only people in the world who haven't already seen Lady Liberty. The line was monstrous so we decided to not waste the time. And the water was super rough so instead of getting seasick, we sat on a bench and watched the boat hit the pier.
• Third stop: Canal Street/Chinatown/Little Italy
• Necklaces were bought, paninis and gelato were eaten, silver converse sneakers were stalked
• JAMES BOUGHT CARGO SHORTS
• Fourth stop: TOP OF THE ROCK
• Amazing. Totally work the $19.
• After walking 9 million miles, went home, ate, pre-gamed, and Marc joined the fun
  
• Went to Saloon and they played awesome music

Sunday:

• Ate a waffle sundae for breakfast (diet and gym starts today!)
• Walked in the rain
  
• Said goodbye
  
• Napppppppppppped

So that is the weekend in a nutshell. I think I'm becoming a fabulous tour guide.

Apparently, I was wrong.

http://www.fox.com/programming/returning/oc.htm

That totally rained on my Marissa-in-a-coma parade. Oh well. But if they EVEN have Kaitlin start dating Ryan, I might just throw up.

I only watch TV shows with 2-letter names

So last night was the season finales of the OC and ER. Since the BF has no desire to hear my thoughts, I will entertain the ever-attentive internet.

OC:
I don't know if its because I have been watching the DVDs but the show felt rushed last night. Maybe because I was in a rush, but still, it felt like they tried to fit 2 hours of stuff into 1 hour. I was not impressed with the ending but I have an idea of what they will do next season. Since they left it up in the air about Marissa being dead or not, I think she will be in a coma. That way, dumb Mischa can try to become a movie star and when she fails, she can wake up from the coma. This is a little bit of a reach, not as good as going to Europe to be with Dylan, but its possible. And if she is in a coma, it gives reason for my next thought. Summer will be so distraught that her BFF is near death, she wont go to Brown and go to fictional OCC (Orange County College (which may be related to CU, California University)). Seth will also stay because, duh, he doesn't have anything else to do. And of course Ryan will feel so guilty because if you think about it, its his fault this all happen to Marissa in the first place, so he wont go to Berklee. Now why, faithful reader, is this all Ryan's fault? Because if it wasn't for Ryan, Trey would have never met Marissa and tried to rape her. Then she would have never had to shoot him to protect Ryan. And then she would have never gotten kicked out of Harbor and had to go to Newport Union, which is where she met Johnny. If she had never met Johnny, she would have never met Volcheck and then Ryan would never had to beat the snot out of him for cheating on Marissa at the prom. And then Volcheck would never have ran Ryan's brand new but not really car off the road. So really, Ryan has to feel so guilty for not being a more aggressive driver and having the weight of the potential death of his sad little not-GF on his shoulder's for the rest of his life. I really hope next season is better than this past one. Season 1 and 2 were redonkulously better than season 3.

ER:
This show has been one of my favorites forever, despite the crazy things that happen on it that would never happen in real life (I mean, how many times does a man's arm get cut off by a helocopter and THEN a few month later, said man gets killed by a helocopter FALLING OUT OF THE SKY!?) Anyway, before the show, I was telling Alaina that I didn't think Abby (or Abs, best line of the whole show) would lose the baby because they already did the story line with Carter and that chicks baby (which might have been the saddest episode ever, not counting when Dr. Greene died because that will always be the saddest moment in all of ER history). Anyway, I really didn't think anything would happen to Abby/Kovac in this episode UNTIL he asked her to marry him. That totally gave it away.

Sidebar: WHY DID ABBY HAVE TO SAY THAT PANDAS WERE KIND OF CREEPY!?!?! Ugh.

Anyway, I hate cliffhangers like that. I hate having to wait an entire summer to find out what happens with Abby. I still think there is a chance she will have the baby, she's probably 7 or 8 months pregnant so in theory, she could still deliever. But I am no doctor. I think they may kill Sam off though. I think crazy Steve will do a murder/suicide thing with his fam.

I really would love for ER to be on TV for the rest of my life. I could careless if the storylines get even more rediculous, I just love it so much. Its quite possibly the most dramatic show I watch and its so good!

Tonight when Alaina gets here, we are going to watch the LAST EVER WILL AND GRACE. And I will cry like a baby. And love every second of it. I hope Leo says he wants nothing to do with the baby, I hate his character sooooooooooo much. But it has to have a happy ending, so Leo will probably move back to NYC and they will live in Will's apartment while he moves in with Vince to HARLEM (I loved the jokes he made about their soon to be neighbors last week).

Wow, is my life really that boring that all I can write about is TV?? Yikes!